Goonies Never Die

by guest blogger Zack H.

OK my little empanadas, we've got something special for you today, and hopefully for some days in the future too. I'm gonna resist the temptation to call this column MuZack, because it's too easy, too awful, and no matter where you're from you probably want to vaporize Kenny G. But how about we check out some interesting shit eh?
They say nothing is original in music these days, and for the most part those bastards are right. But that doesn't mean what's going on isn't fucking awesome, so let's explore how some movie scores from dear favorites are being chopped and screwed having new life breathed into them as Hip Hop songs.

This week we're learning about a dude named Immortal Technique. OK, his name is actually Felipe, but he's doing some interesting stuff. Immortal Technique, originally from Peru and now a Harlem local since the 80's released a free compilation called The Martyr not long ago which happens to contain one of the best Hip Hop tracks I've heard all year. It's titled Goonies Never Die. That's right. Immortal Technique (Morty to his friends) uses Dave Grusin's Theme to The Goonies and does it with style and all the angst of an Astoria, Oregon fledgling misfit. Some sample lyrics:

I'll put your hand in a blender to make an entree

Then cut your dick off and glue it back on the wrong way

And the hook:

All my revolutionary soldiers better ride

My word is mathematics bitch, numbers never lie

So even if they tell you I'm dead I'm still alive

Because motherfucker, Goonies never die

All this is tied together with some voice overs from a cute kid who calls his uncle out for being a gangbanger. I think Dave Grusin approves.

Don't you?

Check out the song
Download The Martyr for free

And go buy the score to The Goonies so The Dorktress doesn't get bored of entertaining us with interesting stuff.