Scifi Why: Starfleet Uniforms

Why are Starfleet uniforms so tight? I posit that it’s to cultivate an atmosphere of trust and openness towards others, primarily those species that have not made contact with Starfleet yet. I started thinking about this yesterday after reading this NYTimes article about Woolrich, an American clothing company that has tailored a new line of chinos specifically for the purpose of carrying concealed weapons. I guess I’m just more comfortable seeing a phaser or gun out in the open, dangling from someone’s belt, than being taken by surprise and shot at when I start screaming at the guy who just cut me off in the bike lane.

Anyhow, those uniforms couldn’t have been an easy thing for the cast of TNG to put up with. Patrick Stewart has gone as far as saying that they were on their way to causing him permanent back and neck damage! Ouch! Not to mention the embarrassment they must have inflicted upon the cast as some of them aged from strapping taut-bodied 30 somethings to less-than-in-shape, slightly-more-round-than-they-used-to-be 40 somethings. OK fine. It was really just Jonathan Frakes and his Ding Dong addiction.


And then there’s poor Brent Spiner playing the android Data. He must have felt a ton of pressure to appear ageless throughout the seven year run of the show. Good on ya Starfleet for probably promoting unhealthy body image issues for the entire cast, all for the sake of garnering trust with unknown entities. The future is hard. Let’s go shopping.

**P.S. to my wife: “sexy star trek costume” is totally in my search history for research purposes. Ex astris, scientia!

A little poll

Happy Easter

He is risen! And hopefully I is, too.

Sorry for the long absence. Let's not get into it. Let's just talk about zombies.

Easter is the day when we celebrate the rise of the Second Zombie! Now I know what a lot of you are thinking: "Jesus was the first zombie!"

WRONG! Don't forget miracle of miracles - Lazarus! Zombie Numero Uno!

And since he is so sorely over-looked year after year (the poor guy doesn't get his own holiday, nor is his story ever told from his perspective in any of the books of the bible), I thought, "let's celebrate Lazarus! What was he like? What did he want?  What happened to him?"

Let's imagine his story from his P.O.V., shall we?

****

Dude, feeling totes sick. Like, gonna die any second now sick. I just barfed and sharted at the same time. This is bad. Real bad. Blood in my urine bad.

...

I know! Jesus will help me! He can't be far off, right? I mean, I live in Bethany and he's in Jerusalem and that's not so far. I'll send my sisters Mary and Martha to get him, he'll show up, I'll be fine. Phew. Feeling better already.

...

K. I know it probably took them a little while to get to Jerusalem, but where ARE they? Mary? Martha? Jesus? I think I have a fever.

...

Mary and Martha are back. No Jesus. Apparently he had "some shit to deal with." WTF? I'm dying!

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Well, I'm dead. Sucks.

....

Aaaaand now I'm buried. At least I'm not sharting uncontrollably any more.

....

I think the rock in front of tomb just moved. It matters not as I am still, like, totes dead.

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Whoa. Jesus just called to me. Like for realsies. Just hollered, "yo Lazarus, get out here." I know I'm dead and all, but I feel oddly compelled to get up and just.... Holy cats, I'm standing up. I'm walking! I can see Jesus! And Mary! And Martha!

And all I wanna do is eat their brains. BRAINSSSSSSSSSSSS!

****

A pretty compelling tale, right? And in honor of Lazarus the first zombie, I shall now eat candy brains and reflect on the Book of John, Chapters 11 and 12. Happy Easter!

Sidenote: enjoy this infographic. Faith comes from understanding. :)